Ajai Karthikeyan is Invictus

Every time I start filling out a form, I come across that god awful line asking me for my country of permanent legal residence. And there I am. Stuck as to what I should write in that field. This has turned into my personal identity crisis ever since the November of my freshman year, when I had to call my mother to get a second opinion on what to fill out.

I have 3 possible options, and  none of them seem to be right. Should I put in India, the country I am a citizen off? Or should it be the United Arab Emirates, where I lived most of my life? Or is the United States the right one? All and none at the same time. Hence my crisis.

A little background about myself. Born in India to Indian parents, I lived in Dubai, United Arab Emirate pretty much all my cognitive life. For the last three years, I have been doing my undergrad in Atlanta.

Can it be the United Arab Emirate?

Unfortunately no! Despite my having lived there all my life and considering it my home, I am no longer a legal permanent resident, if ever I was one. I was a dependent of my parents on their work visas till I was 18 and can’t enter the country without a visit visa.

Can it be India?

It is the country of my citizenship. Why not? Well, JFK once said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” In my eyes, India and me have not done anything for each other. I have not lived there. I feel like an outsider every time I go there. And finally, I do not thing I have the right to claim being even Indian due to the fact that I have done nothing for my so called country. And shall I say, neither has it done anything for me. On the contrary, it has disadvantaged me cause the first impression people get of me when they see me is Indian and not for who I am. I consider myself a Third Culture Kid, but that is something for a different post. This is no offense to Indians, its just annoying being classified in a category that is 1 in every 6 person belongs to when I do not belong in said category. Keep in mind that I really do enjoy considering myself unique.

Finally, the United States?

So, many would say that I do not have a claim to the United States. But it keeps popping into my head every time I see one of these forms. It arises from the fact that for the past 3 years, I have spent 49 out of 52 weeks in this country. I was only on a student visa but in practice, my permanent residence is in this country. That is the address on my business card, my bank account, my resume… you get the jist. But no. Can’t do that! I’m only a permanent resident if I have a green card. Unfortunately, I haven’t got one of those.

So, 3 down and none to go! You see the dilemma I’m under.